Read Our Blog Listen Live to "About Relationships" Talk Radio Show MEMBER BONUS extended.........receive 50% OFF The Predictive Relationship Profile ....as a Member of the Growth Climate Community.....

Home Calendar Products Courses Test Center News Advice D8 Nite Relationship Tip 24/7 Radio Community My Account Login

A NEW APPLICATION FOR AN “OLD” NEW WORD:


Those of you who grew up with the transition from the first word-processing programs to the sophisticated software now available will recognize the following term:

WYSIWYG:

Pronounced Wizzy-Wig, its meaning is “What You See Is What You Get.” With early software, no matter what coding you put in for font sizes and styles, everything looked the same on your computer screen. You had to actually print the page to see how it would turn out. Now, as soon as you select a type face or change its size, you see how it will look WITHOUT having to print it. Wouldn’t it be nice if this was true for dating relationships!

Now, if you are dealing with those who have integrity, what you see IS what you get. For far too many, however, this is not the case. Granted, we all want to “put our best foot forward.” We want to show “our best side,” so to speak. We want to be seen for our GOOD qualities.

Then, there are those who present themselves as being what they would LIKE to become, perhaps even genuinely working to make the necessary changes. Most of these people mean well, but frequently fall short in their ability or their commitment to make real change.

The BIGGEST challenge for all of us comes in relationships with individuals who merely PROFESS to be the kind of partners we are looking for just long enough to get what they want. They then emerge from behind their masks. If their pretense was to take us financially, we experience the pain of material loss. Most of us, with hard work and time, can get past this kind of loss. But if the mask was put in place so they could end up OWNING or CONTROLLING us, we experience a far more devastating kind of loss. It is the loss of self—the loss of our freedom to voice our feelings, the loss of our right to make personal decisions and choices, the loss of former friendships. Ultimately, it is loss of a sense of self [our self-worth and self-respect], etc. The term WYSIWYG with these people is incorrect. It should be WYSI-NOT-WYG! What you see is NOT what you get. What we need to learn is what makes these con artists so effective at appearing to be something they are not.


HOW DO THEY DO THAT?

Let’s assume for a moment that you are the target. S,art cons know that if who they REALLY were could be seen or even sensed by you, they would fail in their efforts to win your heart or to manipulate you. What they do , before they makes any formal contact or approach, is to learn as much as they can about you—your beliefs and values, your interests, your goals, etc. They then carefully hides their OWN beliefs and values and positions yours as though they were their own. They also carefully masks their own emotional fingerprints—the emotional feeling that comes off them when they is being their real selves. They then stage an “accidental” meeting. In the course of that meeting, you begin to discover how much you have in common. They not only feign the same beliefs and values, but they also emits the same emotional fingerprint that would put you at ease. It is only after you fall in love with this person that who he/she really is begins to surface.

‘WHAT TO WATCH FOR

The following things are recommended to give you windows into the real character of others:

1. Try to get a sense of their self-worth level. Are they quietly self confident? Do they become resistant when what they say or do is challenged? Do they take things personally when no harm is intended at all?

2. Watch for indicators of a mask. Do they act differently in public than they do in private? Do they change when they are around different people? [Chameleon] If what you have been seeing is a mask or façade, it will slip more and more over time. How do they act when they are not in control of the situation?

3. Watch for emotional outbursts. What happens to them when they are under stress? Are they easily provoked? Do they make excuses when they lose their temper, etc? Are their emotional outbursts common? Are they prone to be moody? Are you beginning to see a consistent temperament? [A person’s emotional fingerprint is an outgrowth of his/her base temperament. This will be the emotion you feel emanating from them most consistently over time.]

4. Watch to see if their feet match their mouths. An old Chinse proverb says, "The body of a horse doesn't match the head of an ox. Do they say one thing and then do another? Do they say things to please others but never follow through?

5. Listen for their belief statements. These will show up in casual conversation, during times they are irritated or tired, or when they are pressing for certain behaviors from you or others.

6. Observe them over time. Give yourself time to get to know them in many circumstances over a long enough period for the real self to show through. If they are persons who have difficulty in maintaining a façade or mask, you will find them wanting to rush the relationship. They will push for an early engagement or marriage. They will voice excitement over finally finding someone who thinks as they think and believes as they believe. [The risk, of course, is that when love is real, the same kinds of statements are likely to be made.] Therefore, one of the most important safety precautions is to NOT rush the relationship.

One of the greatest safety valves in establishing a solid relationship is for YOU to be a WYSIWYG. Another, is to not accept a person at face value without the test of time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN UNSOLICITED REPORT ON THE DATING QUESTIONNAIRE:

“When I learned about Behind the Dating Mask, I wondered how well it would have predicted my marriage. I have been happily married for two years. I completed the profile based on what my sweetheart was like BEFORE we married. I thought that if it described what has happened since our marriage, I could recommend it to others. The printout—over 80 pages—described our relationship perfectly. I had seen enough bad marriages, I was AFRAID to commit. If I had had access to this tool WHILE I was dating her, I would have married her in half the time! Good job!”

Happily Married Male

EDITOR’S NOTE:

The profile is as good at predicting GOOD relationships as it is in identifying those that put you at risk. Give it a try for yourself!

There IS hope in being able to identify the real relationship style of the ones you date.