Newsletter: Volume 1 Number 1

I enjoy reading books and professional magazines about dating and relationships. I am intrigued by how we treat each other as humans. My hobby, if you can call it a hobby, is looking at human relationships and analyzing what is right or wrong with them. Not long ago, I came to a stunning conclusion: Dating isn’t for dummies. My evidence to support this theory is scary. Consider the following facts:

• One in five 14-18 year old high-school students are physically or sexually abused while dating (ABC News report, 2001).
  
• One in three college age students report being physically abused in a dating relationship (Hanley & O’Neill, 1997).
  
• Almost one in every two marriages end in divorce—is it possible that many of these divorces are occurring because people simply don’t know how to choose the right partner?
  
• One million children experience their parents’ divorce every year in the United States. This has been happening for more than 20 years consecutively. The result is that these children grow up with a legitimate fear of intimacy and worry that their relationships will not work out.
  

These statistics should scare everyone. In any society where abuse and divorce are rampant, the end result can only be deep-seated fear and anxiety about relationships. Therefore, my conclusion: Dating isn’t for dummies. We need to educate ourselves on what makes relationships work and succeed. Then we need to implement these skills in our lives. In addition, we need to teach our families and children how to succeed in relationships. Finally, we need to take a stand against abuse. We cannot continue to live in ignorance. Who in today’s society is teaching us how to create strong and vibrant relationships? Who is teaching us the skills that it takes to succeed in relationships? If you are like most people that I talk to, you answered “nobody” to these questions.

For these reasons, Dating Smarts™ has written a Relationship IQ Test to help you evaluate your strengths and weaknesses in relationships. This test will help you look within yourself and determine which areas you can improve upon. The goal of this test is to help you increase your relationship intelligence. You will have to look within yourself and do a self-evaluation. Do you have the right skills? Consider the following questions:

• Are you able to problem-solve effectively?
  
• Do you treat all people with dignity and respect?
  
• How do you treat people when you are under pressure or stressed?
  
• Do you expect others to treat you with courtesy and respect?
  
• Are you developing the right relationship skills?
  
• Do you know how to implement these skills in your relationships?
  
• Do you create a safe climate for the people around you?
  

This test will heighten your awareness and give you ideas on how to improve your relationship intelligence. However, as in most cases, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Therefore, you may need additional information on learning how to implement these skills in your relationships. Since real learning occurs when all senses are being used, we have developed courses to teach individuals how to implement the right skills in their life. Indeed, many people simply do not know how to solve problems, value themselves and others, or deal with their stress in appropriate ways. Consequently, learning needs to continue. We need to encourage one another to obtain education about what creates healthy relationships. In educational classes, you can learn to implement healthy skills in your life. We believe it is so important to teach people how to succeed in their relationships that in all of our classes (Dating Smarts, Behind the Dating Mask, Marriage Intimacy & Relationships), we teach people the skills that will help them succeed in relationships. We do this using real life role plays.

In sum, this may sound like a commercial for our products. That is not my intent. My deepest desire is to let people know that they don’t have to live in ignorance of what makes relationships work. In the Holy Bible it says, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge—Hosea 4:6” With the right knowledge and application of skills, you can make your relationships strong and vibrant. Dating isn’t for dummies.

Written by: Dr. Kevin B. Skinner

Copyright © Dating SmartsTM all rights reserved (2002)

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